Passion / Frustration

On days I doubt myself of my love for the arts, I get reminded of the incredible things filmmaking is capable of.

A friend shared a very short, interesting video called, “Symmetry – A Palindromic Film,” and it is by a mile one of the most innovative ideas for a film I have ever seen. The title gives it away and surely this isn’t the first time I’ve seen a palindromic technique for the screen, but in many cases of art it’s how you deliver that makes the biggest difference; in this case, the setting, music, acting and editing of the entirety of the film showcases such an immense pool of thought and effort, that there is not a second of hesitation in me when I say it’s absolutely breathtaking and intriguing to just immerse yourself in it from start to finish.

On days I doubt myself of my love for the arts, I get reminded of the incredible feeling of translating a story into a live-action film. Granted, I am not technically trained nor do I have formal expertise in the field, yet there is an absolute assurance in me that this is what I want to do — this is what I love to do. Some people get a high from performing in front of others, or mixing chemicals in a tiled laboratory, even solving crosswords and mapping out business plans; I get a high when I conceptualize a humble storyboard and end up brainstorming with some friends who ever so willingly carry out crazy ideas for parodies. I get a high from the moment I hold a camera in my hand and record things, up until I am leering with bloodshot eyes in front of a monitor, desperately rendering out even the shortest of flaws while putting raw videos together. And the high just goes on a completely different level the moment it all comes out as a finished product (not guaranteed a good one but a product nonetheless), mixed with the anxiety of receiving reactions from people who might take the time and actually watch what we’ve done.

The countless times I have expressed my frustration for the arts have been just that — countless. It is definitely not a regret for me to have finished a different field in university but if I had gotten my head intact earlier in the game, especially if we were financially capable, I’m pretty certain that I’d choose an Art Degree to pursue. In a heartbeat. But given, it’s not always the case you’ll know what you want to do; it’s always a different case for everyone. In my case, I was around the age of 6 or 7 when I first told my mother I want to go to Art School when I grow up, but so many things have happened since then and I have been hardwired to succeed as a doctor or a lawyer by the age of 15 so, as you might have guessed, it didn’t happen.

It’s definitely frustrating to not be doing what you want for the rest of your life, to know where you want to go but not know how to get there. I think we have been down that road before, some of us still in that road, or about to reach that point soon enough. It’s absolutely terrifying and discouraging, yet it’s also exhilarating, to know that you at least have an end goal you’d like to reach. It isn’t every day you wake up and finally you realize what you ultimately want to do for the rest of your life; it does not always clearly occur for everyone, with all the pressure from society and the dictations from friends/family — it isn’t as easy as one would say, even myself included. But the moment it hits you — the moment you feel something indescribably euphoric in your bloodstream upon doing something you never expected you’d enjoy — then you’ve most probably hit the jackpot. The road has been somehow paved for you by that time, the means of traveling through the waypoint to arrive at your destination, an entirely different topic you yourself is left to figure out.

That being said, I have my own road I have to finish a race in at the moment, and maybe so do you. Maybe you and I share the same frustration of being in a different path that have no other intersections to make a turn to. Until then, patience is key; and driving continuously to the finish line, no matter how long it takes.

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