On Love and Loss

This piece has been sitting in my drafts for quite a long time now. I recall that I wrote this just when someone I considered dear left me, and as you can imagine, the devastation drove me to write in order to cope.

For some reason, it was difficult to put into words how I really felt about the relationship that had just failed. It’s funny how love can be used as a metaphor if we see it fit — in that case, that did not feel like the right time to express my feelings, and so I withdrew from forcing myself to let such feelings be known.

It was only recently that I’ve spoken to some friends about love and the losses they have felt that it compelled me to come back and continue writing this piece. There really is something gratifying in offering one’s thoughts to those who seem to need it than simply doing things for oneself.

On heartbreak — it’s almost funny how on the outside it seems like a universal feeling but let’s be honest, the feeling itself is never the same for everyone. There are differences in reason, in depth, and ultimately in its extent. We can always claim to say, perhaps in attempts to empathize or comfort a friend, that we ‘went through the same experience’. When we ask ourselves however, do we really understand someone when they are going through a period where healing and happiness seem to be far-fetched?

That being said, I can only do so much when people trust me enough and open up about their painful journeys. It’s a privilege to be shown someone’s vulnerability. The truth is however, listening is the only thing I can do; offering advice is merely an add-on, as nomatter what anyone says, healing cannot be rushed. That’s why I opted to write letters to those who are in different stages of heartbreak and healing. I hope you, your loved one, or whoever you know who’s in pain, will find even the slightest semblance of comfort from any of these.

First of all, I’m sorry you are hurting, and I’m sorry nobody else in the world can change your situation and instantaneously relieve you of the pain you are feeling.

It’s okay to feel that way; it’s okay to feel like the world is ending; it’s okay to feel like every morning it’s all the same and the future seems too far and bleak. If anyone tells you to ‘just get over it and see the positive side’, remember that you are not obligated to force yourself out of what you’re going through. You have the right to not feel bad about how someone’s departure pains you, and that’s okay.

Because the truth is people come and go in our lives. Nomatter how much we think or feel that there is a sort of entitlement that comes along with love, it is always otherwise. We can never ‘own’ someone and we can never control how they act, think or feel about anything — including our relationship with them.

Sometimes, this shortage of ‘ownership’ leaves us asking once the relationship ends. Questions such as, ‘Why did s/he leave me? What happened? Did I do something wrong? Am I not enough?’ We can keep asking and asking and asking these questions, and we may or may not be lucky to get the answers.

Time does not wholly define relationships. Sometimes, depth is more telling than anything.

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